Without You
by AmeBuchanan
Summary: The further she drifted, the closer they seemed. TW inside. It’s tagged angst for a reason. Semi-happy ending?


**_CW: Graphic suicide attempt. Sorta good ending though? _**

_One pill._

There she was, bold and beautiful as always. She smiled and her mouth moved, but no words came out.

_Two pills._

She reached to me, but I couldn't feel her. I could still see through the hallucination. Tears welled in my eyes and she tried to wipe them away, but they still fell. Anguish coated her features and weighed the air with sorrow.

_Three pills._

I could hear her now, the dark and soothing tones I remembered so well.

"What are you doing to yourself?" Her fingers tried to touch me again, but I still couldn't feel them. A sob broke the silence building between us and they grew sharper and louder when she tried to hold me. Her body pressing to mine was nothing more than air.

_Four pills._

My body shook, my eyes glazed, my heart hammered. Her words still filled my ears, but her fingers still passed through my skin. She wasn't really here. She was never going to be here.

_Five pills._

My eyes closed and my hands reached for her, reached for something to ground me. The cold tiles were smooth under my skin, they were solid, but I felt like I was drifting even with them beneath me.

"Please come back." I cried, my fingers clutching the last reminder I had of her. The soft cloth no longer smelled of her and no matter how far I drifted, I couldn't smell her again.

"Open your eyes." She whispered into my ear, her cool breath wasn't there though. Her fingers weren't actually gripping my chin with the same desperation of her words.

_A handful of pills._

"Stop it, please stop." She cried, I could smell her now. Jasmine and honey.

_Another handful,_

but she stopped me. I could feel her skin now. I could feel her breath as she whispered for me to stay with her. I could feel her silk blouse and I could see her golden hair through my blurred vision.

"I wish this was real." I sobbed, my body felt light and I felt her with me, but she wasn't. She never was.

"This is real, I'm right here." She sobbed. "Carlisle!" She yelled and my chest tightened. Of course this wasn't real. She left, she walked away, she swore she'd never return. Rosalie was a woman of her word, I knew that.

My vision grew black around the edges before it slipped away. I could still smell her, feel her. I basked in it for only a few moments before I was thrust back into the light after something broke and a powder filled my nostrils. I gasped loudly and rolled onto my side.

My glazed eyes found short blond hair and a somber frown that didn't belong on the good doctor's face. A dark substance was forced into my mouth and a bucket was held in front of me.

I felt my stomach seize, I felt my chest squeeze, I felt the tension in my head return with a vengeance. My throat burned as partials of pills found their way back into the world. I cried as a sharp pain shot through my back and speared up through my chest.

It felt like a century before my stomach stopped churning angrily and it felt like another before I could catch my breath. A sharp pain in my arm and the cool feeling that followed focused my mind long enough to gain my bearings.

"Rose?" I croaked, my throat protesting violently with each breath.

"I didn't want this, Bella." I felt her cool fingers on my sweat soaked forehead. I felt a warm cloth wiping over my face. "I just wanted you to live a regular life. Get married, have kids, grow old." Her voice was strained, the misery swirling in the air and crushing me.

"Without you, there's no life." I forced out. The coughing started and the coughing became gagging and the gagging became sobbing. The pain was everywhere, the sadness was thick.

My nose ran and my eyes leaked, but she was there to make it better. My ribs ached and rattled with each inhale. My sternum groaned angrily with each beat of my heart. My ears rang so loudly I could hardly catch her reply.

"I feared you would say that." She brushed my damp hair back. The tremors were calming, but as the shock dimmed, the pain increased.

"You said you'd never come back." I whimpered, my fingers tried to hold onto her, but the weakness in my joints kept them from even finding her.

"That was my plan, but I couldn't let you do this." She pressed a new cloth to my skin, it was damp and cool, but the fever kept raging and the sweat kept building.

"Why?" I found her eyes, I powered through my lids' pleas to shut. I watched the whirl of emotions that played through her eyes and across her face.

"Without you, there's no life."

**_This was going to be a lot darker than it is, but have you ever written something and hurt yourself? That was this, so I calmed it down quite a bit. _**

**_Leave a review, let me know how I did. _**

**_Think I might write a few one shots for other fandoms, suggestions? _**


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